Dick pics have a bad reputation, and honestly, it's mostly earned. Not because there's anything wrong with your body. It's because most of them show up without anyone asking for them. Wanted, a dick pic can be flirty, fun and intimate. Unwanted, it's a violation. The only difference is consent.
Why unsolicited dick pics backfire
A 2017 Pew Research Center survey found that more than half of women aged 18 to 29 had received explicit images they didn't ask for. Most people who receive one don't feel flattered. They feel annoyed, uncomfortable or unsafe, and they're a lot less likely to want to talk to you again.
It can also get you in legal trouble. Sending unsolicited explicit images ("cyberflashing") is a criminal offence in England and Wales, and a growing number of places, including several US states such as Texas, have laws against it. Rules vary a lot, so don't assume it's fine where you live.
What consent looks like
Consent for a photo works like consent for anything else in sex. It's:
- Asked for, not assumed. Flirty texting is not a yes. Their nudes are not a yes. Ask.
- Specific. "Want to see what I'm wearing?" is not the same as "want a dick pic?". Be clear about what you're offering.
- Enthusiastic. "lol ok I guess" is not the same as "yes please". If it's not a clear yes, it's a no.
- Current. A yes last week doesn't mean a yes right now. Check in, especially if some time has passed.
- Reversible. Anyone can change their mind, at any point, without having to explain why.
How to ask (without making it weird)
Asking is not a mood killer. Done right, it builds anticipation. Some examples:
"I just got out of the shower. Want a pic, or should I keep it to myself?"
"I'm feeling brave tonight. Would you be into a photo? Totally fine if not."
"Before I send anything: are you somewhere you can open a spicy pic?"
That last one matters more than people think. A "yes" at 11pm doesn't help if they open it on the bus next to their mom. And if the answer is no, or no answer at all, take it gracefully. "No worries 😊" goes a long way.
Consent goes both ways
When someone sends you a photo, they're trusting you with it. That photo is for you, not for your group chat.
- Never forward, screenshot-and-share, or post someone's intimate photo. Sharing intimate images without consent is illegal in many countries, and it's a serious betrayal everywhere.
- Delete it if they ask you to.
- Don't pressure anyone to send pics back. Your photo doesn't mean they owe you one.
Protect yourself, too
Even with the right person, things can go wrong: a lost phone, a cloud backup, a breakup that ends badly. A few habits keep you safer:
- Keep your face, tattoos and anything identifying out of the frame.
- Turn off location for your camera, so your photo can't reveal where you live.
- Use apps with disappearing messages, and be careful with cloud photo backups.
- If someone threatens to share your photos, don't pay and don't send more. Save the evidence and report it to the platform and to the police. You did nothing wrong.
This is the whole idea behind Duckpuc: everything happens on your phone and your photos are never uploaded to any server. Your photos are yours.
Never with minors
Sending explicit images to, or of, anyone under 18 is illegal everywhere, even if they asked, and even if you're both under 18. No exceptions.
The short version
Ask first. Take no for an answer. Keep what you receive private. And if you're going to send something, make it something that makes them smile. Here's how to take a good one.
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